Yesterday while visiting with my nieces and nephew we had a "Spa Day" Each of the kids got their nails polished and a fake haircut by Aunt Fer-Fer (that's me yo!).
After I fininshed each 'client's' nails they each told me how much they liked them.
But M- exclaimed in her most adorable six-year-old voice
I have been asking myself the very same thing these few
weeks.
I’m here.
I’m there.
But really, I’m not sure.
This shit is getting real.
2013 is a huge year for me.
I am a college graduate. Like I’ve said before, I never thought I would
actually finish college. I always
dreamed of it, and made a few attempts, but this time it is real. It is real because of the amazing support I
have had from family and friends through each step of the way.
From my husband who is a rock, supportive to the core,
although he is worried/cautious about the loans we have taken to finance this
adventure, more important to him is my happiness, and how this will benefit
both of us in the near future.
My parents who just kept telling me “I knew you could do
it.” “You are NOT too old” “We are so proud of you. My dad talking me off the ledge when I felt
like I was in over my head, had I made the right decision, was I going to be
accepted into the program; all of the could I? should I? and would I?’s of my
brain. My mom who kept me focused on the
prize, even when I was sure I had failed my first class, or even gotten below a
B in anything, she was right…I got a B+.
My husband’s family who helped keet me motivated, donated to
my textbook fund, and were there just for a hug when I needed one.
My three younger sisters who constantly supported my
decision, encouraged, and were some of my biggest cheerleaders throughout this
journey.
Countless friends. Oh
man, my friends. I am lucky to have the
people in my life that I do. I don’t
have hundreds of friends, but the ones I do have are really more like
family. I’m Aunt Jenn to their kids, we
go on vacations together, they visit from far and wide, we talk, sometimes we
don’t talk often enough… we drink coffee, we laugh out loud, we cry, but the
support and encouragement from each of them has been a huge motivator for
me.
I’ve never heard so many people tell me they are proud of
me, and that I have inspired them to do something big, something different. WOW. You guys inspire ME!
To say I am humbled beyond belief from the support and kind
words would be a huge understatement.
Thank you.
P.S. I promise to stop the graduation talk...for a bit, before you know it I won't be able to shut up about grad school!!!
The other day I had to have a procedure done at the hospital, nothing big, but it required anesthesia so someone had to drive me there and back.
Enter my husband. Duh.
After the procedure in the PACU he was there and we were joking around after I woke up. When I'm nervous I talk EVEN MORE than I usually do, and M- of course was taking good care of me. While were talking to the nurse she said
Nurse: "Do you guys work together?"
We both looked at each other an laughed.
Me: "No, why?"
Nurse: "Oh, you just act like you are together 24-7."
Me: "Well, not 24-7 but a lot. Whys is that surprising?"
Nurse: "Oh, you guys are just having so much fun together, laughing and talking!"
Me: "Well, we ARE married. That must be it"
Nurse: laughing hysterically, "That usually means the exact opposite, you have no idea."
Kinda made M- and I feel good. We do have our moments, but most of those a good ones.
"I hope that in this year
to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making
mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things,
learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your
world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more
importantly, you're Doing Something.
So that's my wish for you,
and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make
glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry
that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art,
or love, or work or family or life.
Whatever it is you're
scared of doing, Do it.
Make your mistakes, next
year and forever."
~Neil Gaiman
Sending love, light, contentment, and new mistakes your way, today and every day! Happy New Year!
She is so perfect, just ike her sisters and Brother!
I'm so excited for my sister and her family. She has what MUST BE the cutest little people, and now there is one more! I'm proud of my sister and her husband who are awesome parents who love and nurture even the quirkiest parts of each of their children. Theirs is a no holds barred love, big hugs, sweet kisses, whispered words, and loud joyful laughter. Sometimes life gets messy, but what kind of life would it be without that?
I love my sister and her family more than I can ever express, now there is MORE to LOVE!
We spent last week at a beautiful home on the sandy shores of Cape Hatteras, NC.
Ahhhh.
Can I say that again?
Ahhhh.
We had such a wonderful time. Filled with great friends, good food, relaxing evenings, and pockets of seashells.
We were lucky to take one of our dogs with us. Xavy baby had an awesome week at the beach! Really, it is too bad we couldn't bring both dogs, but Mocha can be a little fearful of new folks, and is riddled with anxiety on a good day, so we asked the folks SHE LOVES the most if they would watch her while we were gone. My in-laws gladly said yes, and took great care of her!
Xav was made for the beach. Absolutely. Just 6 months shy of his 11th birthday, he scamped, bounced, and ran around the beach like an 8 month old pup!
Xav also made a little girlfriend while we were out there. Lexi.
The first day we were on the beach there were lots of folks, but none really close to us, Xavy is a good boy and he was off leash the whole time. He would run in and out of the surf, dig in the sand, stomped a few sandcastles, and the kids tried to bury him more than once. He's patient, but not that patient.
Patient, see?
Mid-day Xav noticed a lovely puppy accross the beach playing with her owner. He kept looking at me, looking at the other dog, me, dog, me, dog. He looked at me once more and then started to dash off. A quick STOP! and he did, begrudgingly walking back to me, pouting.
They continued to stare at each other across the sand.
We went home and Xav settled in with the kids all snuggling with him on his dog bed at one point or another.
The next morning we headed out to the sand again, ran right for the surf and did some fishing along the shore. After about an hour the adorable pup showed up. Again, Xavy longingly looked across the beach. I finally gave in. I asked M- to keep Xav on our side while I went to meet the pups parents.
Me: HI. I was wondering if my dog can come meet your dog, I wanted to che... some people ar...
Dog Dad: YES! We were wondering the same thing!
Me: He is dying to come over here! (to XAV) Alright Good boy, come on!
Dog Dad: She is dying to get over THERE!
Me: Oh, My name is Jenn, nice to meet you. That's Xav.
Dog Dad: My name is Pete, nice to meet you, I think we are gonna need to keep an eye on these two! (deep belly laugh followed by pointing toward the dogs) She's Lexi.
Me: Oh Boy, I think you are right!
When I turned around the sniffing pleasantries had ended, and they were barreling at each other, full steam ahead, and rolling around in the surf and sand.
Each day we were out there Lexi and Xavy stared across the beach and froliced in the surf.
Come sit next to me in bed at 7:45 p.m. when I have to go to sleep for work.
Come sit next to me in bed at 7:45 p.m. when I have to go to sleep for work and not go back to your chair.
Come sit next to me in bed at 7:45 p.m. when I have to go to sleep for work and not go back to your chair to watch your favorite show.
Come sit next to me in bed at 7:45 p.m. when I have to go to sleep for work and not go back to your chair to watch your favorite show until I have fallen asleep.
Alright, so I'm not even sure how I got to thinking about this, maybe it was the conversation of what we should do for dinner with some friends the other night, and pizza was suggested... but I'm pretty sure it goes back to this pin on Pinterest.
The only problem is, that's not what MY Button looked like, THAT was some new fancy button the kids get these days.
This, was my button...or my poorly-done-semi-digital-version of what it would have looked like...
I loooved book-it. I always wanted to be the first one to earn their star in the class, like that would make me the Valedictorian of Book-It. (I was also the Valedictorian of the St. Judes Math-a-thon, but that's a story for another day.)
We didn't go out to eat that much, the town we lived in seriously had a Micky-D's, a sub shop, a chinese restaurant, and...a Pizza Hut. It was fun to participate, win a prize, and sometimes we would actually get the pizza, but really the fun was in the winning, not the pizza.
Speaking of pizza, if my husband says he wants some form of pizza for a meal again in the next 6 months my head might explode. He could eat it 3 meals a day, every day. uuggh
Most of the time when I say: What are you making for dinner?
he says: What kind of pizza do you want?
and I say: I DON"T WANT!!!!
On another side note, my disdain for pizza in general goes allllll the way back to a time when we lived in southern Maryland, and there was very little around except the naval base we lived on, a hospital, my school a pizza place and a K-Mart. Yeah, that was the big shopping if you didn't drive what felt like 100 miles! Oh! they did have a HUGE, basement, uniform store for my catholic school gal uniform of plaid jumper, red tie and white peter pan collared shirt.
Well, while we were living there my mom ended up working 3-11p (she is a nurse); that meant my dad was in charge of dinner every night. Well, I guess at that point he couldn't really cook, we were pretty young at the time and he was busy being a Naval Pilot, not learning to cook for little kids. So, he ordered pizza; sauage and mushrooms sometimes, but usually mushroom and olive slices would arrive, piping hot and gooey.
This was fun at first, oohh mommy's at work, we get pizza for dinner tonight!! Then after two or three months of this, uugggh is all I can say. I guess about the same time my mom must have figured out what was going on, because soon there after my dad started reading a BUNCH of cookbooks, especially Martin Yan. If Yan Can Cook, So Can You!!
Anyway...back to Book-It. back in my day it was simple, read a book, record it with a parent's signature, write a short book-report style piece, then---read 10 books--get a star (get a pizza at that point too I think).
As far back as I can remember reading, I remember loving it. Still to this day, I'm always reading at least 2 books. I'll read a bunch of chapters in one, then pick a new one up read in there, then the next day go back to book one, over and over til it's done, this way I never get to that point where I don't have a book in progress. Sometimes a REALLY amazing book will not let me put it down, and I just consume it in one reading, I LOVE those books.
I don't know if book-it helped my reading, or just rewarded me with stars for something I would have done anyway?
My husband and I went snorkeling on our honeymoon.
Sounds perfectly wonderful right?
Wrong.
M- and I headed out into the water around a peninsula away from the shore about 3/4 of a mile, and the comfort of the resort we where we were staying. The afternoon was drenched in sun, the sugar colored sand glistening, and the water so clear you could see about 50 feet away from you, ahhh-mazing.
While we were out there admiring the flora and fauna of the sea, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. A dark shadow.
Immediately my brain went to the most deep, dark place a mind can go when swimming in open water. SHARK.
Seriously, a shark, right there next to us...or so I thought.
I have never gotten to shore as fast as I did that day. Frantic, arms flailing, water splashing, legs akimbo, I was mustering up any and all recollection I had of being on the swim team when I was ten. I kept thinking "BUTTERFLY, BACK-STROKE, BREAST-STROKE, SHARK!!!!"
In the background of my own internal crazed screaming I kept hearing, "Jennifer, J-, Jeennn, What the, JJJEEEEENNNNN!!!!"
When I got close enough to the shore that I could stand up and run, I did, and I ran fast, yelling "'NO! there's a shark!!!!!"
Thank goodness it was the off season and there was were only a few other couples staying at the resort, and if they heard me screaming about the shark, they just kept it between themselves. "THERE'S ALWAYS ONE MAUDE, CRAZY SHARK SCREAMING FOOL!"
During the screaming on the beach I began to get worried. Where was M-????? I had booked so quickly, I forgot to warn him.
He had been eaten, or at least been bitten by the shark. I just knew it.
Panic, well more panic, the heart stopping, sound numbing panic that set in was overwhelming. I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO TELL MY NEW IN-LAWS THEIR SON HAD BEEN EATEN BY A SHARK.
All of a sudden someone emerged from the water.
It was M-.
I was so happy, like jumping up and down happy.
Then I remembered the shark. How had M- evaded the shark?
M-: What shark?
me: The one I saw that propelled me to shore! What do you mean 'what shark?'?
M: There was no shark. I was rinsing my goggles, and dropped them, next thing I knew you high tailed out of there.
me: What? seriously?
M-: Seriously. And you left me out there trying to get my goggles from the bottom of the ocean, like 20 feet down! I have been going up and down, up and down, for the past 15 minutes!!
I am thankful to have two wonderful parents that provided me with a wonderful home growing up, and one I can still go to as an adult. The guidance they gave me, and continue to give, has helped me become the strong, independent woman I am today. They have taught me to love, live, and be the best me possible.
I am thankful for my in-laws. M-‘s family couldn’t be a better gang to marry into! Funny, sincere, loving and supportive, they have helped me more than they will ever know, and I am happy to call them family.
I am thankful for my sisters, the super-mom, the “Keep Calm and Carry On”, and the Wolf-Bronte-kahlo-still-figuring it out. They all drive me crazy and help keep me sane at the same time. Each day they amuse, astonish, annoy, and I admire each of them.
I am thankful for my nieces, nephew, and a tiny one on the way. The lessons they teach me abound. When I am with them I am free, funny, silly, creative in ways I never knew existed, and able to see the forest for the trees.
I am thankful for my extended family. A grandmother that loves and gives of herself so freely to me, encourages, spoils and cheers me on. Great-Aunts, aunts, uncles, and cousins that share the love only a family like ours can share. No matter how many months/years go by between visits, I’m still surrounded by love whenever they are around.
I am thankful for those people who aren’t family by blood, but by choice, by the love we share, the experiences that bring us together, and keep us a unit, no matter what.
--FOUR--
I am thankful for my friends.
Both old and new, without these people in my life… well my life would be boring, that’s for sure. I am thankful for the listening, sharing, venting, space, and laughs. I am thankful to have such a wonderful FAMILY of friends.
I have realized everyone I meet isn’t looking for the same kind of friendship I am. I’m learning to accept that, be thankful for the time spent and the kind of friendships we do have. Good friends are very hard to come by and I’ve learned that this is OK.
--FIVE--
I am thankful for my hands.
I am thankful my hands are skilled. I work tirelessly at taking advantage of what I have. They may not be the prettiest, MOST skilled, or perfect in any way shape or form, but they are mine. With my hands I can do anything, paint, climb, lift, draw, hug, caress, pull, push, reach high, make, create, and even destroy. I am thankful for these hands and the doors they will open in my future.
--SIX--
I am thankful for each new day.
Not too long ago a new day was a daunting task that I would have to overcome, or so I thought. Yes, the sun shone, birds sang, and grass grew, but all I saw was grey. I am thankful for a team of more than competent doctors, the magic of medicine and the belief that things can get better.
I am thankful I am no longer ashamed of who I am, of what I have become, of who I am striving to be…ME. I am thankful every morning I wake up.
--SEVEN--
I am thankful to have plenty.
I am lucky to have plenty to eat, plenty to keep warm, and plenty to share. Every time I am able to give something to someone else I am thankful I could.
I am lucky to have a home with a roof and no leaks, heat that keeps me warm, electricity, hot water, and a well taken care of car.
Sometimes I am so wrapped up in my easy life that I forget these aren’t things everyone has. Not everyone goes to bed satiated. Not everyone can afford that gallon of gas, gallon of milk or the heating fuel bill.
I am thankful that I have finally come to realize what is really important in my life, and am able to give so much more freely because of it.
I don’t think I’ve ever been more thankful for my husband than I have been this year. We celebrated 4 years of marriage this past September. I am so thankful not just because he is the most loving, supportive, generous, kind, and thoughtful man, not just because he’s a complete genius, and turns out to be kind of a handy-man type (not to mention a sexy beast), but because of the way he loves and accepts me.
Bossy me, weeping me, laughing me, inappropriate me, DUH! me, silly me, and all the other facets of ME!
The more time we spend together the more attached I get to him, which isn’t to say he’s perfect, obviously, he’s still human. He still does, says, and thinks things that make me want to kick him in that sexy beast. No vices, no bad habits; just a deep love for spicy food and a real audiophile. He always stays calm and collected and believes that shouting or blaming will never solve problems.
So, I’m thankful that I have THIS partner in THIS LIFE.
--TWO--
I am so thankful for my two pups.
Xav, and the calm he brings to every day, so stoic, a protector, sometimes the clown, always zen puppy. I love the scent from the top of his head, can’t capture the scent in words, it’s just…clean and refreshing and I soak it up every night before I drift off to sleep.
Mocha, the spastic, unruly, jumping, barking, limbs all flying akimbo at any moment, little brown dog. She is a pain, a handful and simply a JOY. Everything is exciting, new, and interesting. Sometimes I wish I had a cornflake for a brain, just to have the enthusiasm about things she does.
So thankful for my dogs; these two fierce protectors, these doorbell barkers, trash truck warn-ers, UPS driver chasing, making grown men squeal like toddlers at first sight, bed warming, fur shedding, sirens in the night furbabies.
If not for these pups I would never sleep when M- is out of town, never get out of bed on days off, and never know the joy of going outside at 2:45am in freezing weather just to sniff around.
Xav and Mocha have become quite the team since losing Harper, a team I never knew could get along, snuggle, play, and romp together as beautifully as they now do.
I am thankful for the unconditional love we share, what I give to them is nothing compared to what I receive from these two.
I was repeatedly reminded that was an "Op.Po.Puss." on her arm.
4 year olds love to make noise, out and IN the CAR with their "Car.Monica" and I have no idea how to use my iphone as a video camera. Oh, 4 year old don't stand stil. EVAR.
We finally reached the truck. Stripped our socks and shoes, put clean, dry socks on, M- made the jacket I left in the truck into a pillow for me, put my hair behind my ear. Next thing I knew I was asleep in the passenger seat. He let me sleep the whole way home.
When I woke up we were pulling into my driveway, I looked at M- and knew he was a keeper.
The time we spent together was like a challenge, some sort of litmus test. It was like we were put in a Petri dish with these elements we were unprepared for; this could have been really ugly. I’m not always the easiest to get along with, especially when tired, hungry, and hot…not to mention slightly injured. Somehow we had fun. We enjoyed our lost time, laughed at the steep climbs, took deep breaths together, and worked through the pain like teammates.
When put to a test like this a person’s real colors come through. Mine…not so great all the time. M-‘s steady, calm and thoughtful the whole time. He is the Yang to my Yin. Wait, did I just say that? YES I DID, and I’m not gonna change it. In this circle of life we are able to support each other and be supported by the other.
During my recent challenge to live a healthier life, lose weight, and be more active M- has been my biggest supporter. Not in the “I love you more that you are lighter” way, but the “I love you no matter what, and think it’s awesome you feel so great now!” way.
We recently tuned up our bikes and started taking awesome rides at different locations, local battlefields, rides around the local quarry along the river, and hitting the local canal path. I’m finding through the bug bites, falling in creeks, branches in my face, and steep and/or rocky climbs and descents I feel closer and more in tune with M- and our loving relationship every push of the pedal, just because he is there, right next to me rooting US on.
So last night M- and I watched a little tee-vee. He turned on some weird show about this guy and his brother who run some kind of alligator farm. Well, this guy was called by a local exotic animal rescue group. They had a male lion that was sick and they needed help tranquilizing him. The poor lion was lying on his side and just looked so pitiful and sick. His eyelids were weak, his limbs akimbo, and his fur dull and dry.
He looked just like Harper the last time I saw him.
The weird thing is, when Harper was a just a little pup I used to think he looked like a lion cub, a little chubby, similar coloring, and his nose, looked just like a cub’s. I tried really hard to just think of this lion as separate, not connected to me; but my mind wandered and I couldn’t get Harper out of my head.
I cried. Why does it still hurt so?
To add insult to injury I have been thinking of my Aunt who passed away a year ago, I guess I’m kind of an emotional wreck right now. I’ve been trying to hold it together, but this week has really been a challenge.
Lo and behold I was cleaning off a little cabinet in the living room and found a picture of Harper stuffed among a pile of books. And as if that weren’t enough while cleaning off the top of the fridge I found ANOTHER picture of him! At first I was taken aback, but then my heart started to warm. Harper may be gone, but he will always be with me.
2010 was a year with too many good-byes. But for those of us with dogs, loving friends, and family, our hearts will be broken time and time again. It’s a chance we take when we open our hearts to that which is outside ourselves.
None of that would ever lead me to love dogs or people less. It just makes me more passionate about the friends, family, and dogs I do have.
No, I really only have ONE DADDY, but my friend's dad has always treated me like his 3rd daughter...albeit the red-headed step-child, but still. He and his wife threw us the most amazing engagement party...you should have seen the FIREWORKS afterward!
Tom will always hold a special place in my heart. He is retired, loud, obnoxious, excited or ticked-off about EVERYTHING, and always doing something new. Well, I say something new, but most of his things revolve around Ham Radio, gardening, and computers.
I went over today to pick up a computer monitor. I ended up getting the FULL GUIDED TOUR of the grounds. The new greenhouse, his hydroponic garden system, every plant in the greenhouse, where they came from, how they grow, the temperature system in the greenhouse, the system in place while the thermostat is broken, the path outside the greenhouse, the compost bin, and the worm farm.
Then we started to walk around his 3 arcres or so. Where the tree line used to be, where it is now, where it will be in the future, the old Ham antenna, the new Ham antenna, The ebay Ham antenna, how the old antenna is going to hook into the new antenna and make it like 6 MILLION FEET TALL! I even learned about the winching system on one of the antenna's. Don't ask.
On to the front yard where Tom helped me remember a bit of biology...plant identification, he's got White Oaks, Pin Oaks, Red Japanese Maples, Blue Firs from Christmases past, ( I remember when they were like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree and now they are HUGE!) and Japanese Cherry Trees, we also stumbled across roses, peonies, azaleas, and various other flowers.
I almost stepped on a SNAKE.
That ended the outside tour.
Tom and I went inside so he could show me the computer system that runs his Ham gear. I have no idea how he figured it all out, with 3 computer screens, various large black boxes with dials, one keyboard, and a mouse he managed to talk to someone in South Africa, Macedonia, South Russia, and the U.K. all in like three minutes flat.
I say talk, but really all that transpired between each party was their respective call names, how clear the signal was, and where they were from. Then they thanked each other politely, and verified each other's "Ham Meeting" in some way shape or form. He logged a bunch of jazz into the computer and was off on another call.
I am now the valedictorian of people who know a little bit about everything, and nothing in particular.
Anyways, this was a very, very loooooong post to tell you about a memory I had while I was visiting. When I was like 13 Tom was going to a ham radio festival: Ham Fest. T- (Tom's daughter) and I were invited to go along and sell water and sodas. We were able to keep 50% of whatever we sold.
That sounded like an AMAZING! DEAL! for us. Cute boys (or so Tom said), fun in the sun, and Cold Hard Cash!
Sound too good to be true?
Well it was.
Boys, not cute--at least to my 13 year old mind, nerdy ham boys and their dads mostly, although I vaguely remember a few men in uniform...
That 'fun in the sun' part? It was a record 114 degrees outside! But! That did make us the most popular spot, we had COLD water!
The cold hard cash part? Multiply 200 cans of water and soda by .50cents and then subtract half, what do you get? 50 WHOLE DOLLARS--TO SPLIT AND SPEND HOWEVER WE WANTED!
The day had been a success.
I wonder where we spent our money? Probably some 'Sassy' magazines and a can of coke. We were rebels.
No matter what kind of mother you are, today is for you.
My mom and I had a hard relationship for many years...I think we are more alike than either of us likes to admit. But, I wouldn't be the woman I am today without her. Through good and bad all she ever wanted was for me to be me, to live the life I always dreamed of, and be happy; truly content and satisfied, but never settling for less than.
She worked hard to provide great experiences for us when we younger, even if we resisted, she was usually right. Even the sheepherding.
Yes, sheepherding.
I guess I was 12 or so and we were going on a family field trip, or "down the road a piece" as my parents would say. My mom had planned the whole thing, picnic lunch, blankets to sit on, and a day filled with family fun. I had other ideas. I would have rather been at home riding my bike around the big lake, playing with friends, or doing ANYTHING but hanging out with my boring family!
We all hopped in the family wagon and made our way down the road to a farm somewhere in the middle of nowhere Virginia. I sulked the entire time. (Side note: there is a farm not far from my house that I pass every so often that makes me think of this trip every time, it is exactly like I remember this place.)
When we got to the event it was packed, dogs, sheep, ducks, geese, people! I was intrigued, BUT NOT GIVING IN! (stubborn much?) During some of the down time my mom suggested we tour the house on the grounds. I whined, moaned, and complained, then decided for sure I was not going, I flat out refused. I was left sitting on the picnic blanket alone.
While I was out there by myself I remember thinking how stupid this whole thing was, mumbling to myself, what I would do if I was in charge but then started to get distracted by a handler and his dog rounding up some big white ducks. He was directing the dog with whistles and really short confusing commands. I was confused, but the dogs were so serious, and focused on getting those ducks to do what their handler wanted.
I think I relaxed a bit after my family returned and finally put the walls down. I was having a good time. My mom thought we would have fun, and she was right, it just took a little longer for me to give into her plan.
I look back at many of the things we did as a family together and I'm glad my mom made me do them. I've had experiences some people will never have, things they think are silly or not worthwhile, but really they could be the greatest memories just waiting to happen.
Thanks Mommy for making me DO STUFF I thought was 'stupid'. I love you!
Last weekend was the Best Weekend of the year so far! One of my sisters came to visit and we had an action packed fun time. Shopping at Ikea...dinner...drinks...documentaries...brunch...and last but certainly not least...ROLLER DERBY!
Okay, so Roller Derby came AFTER I slept on the Metro for 40 minutes. Passed out tired...woke up refreshed.
There was a double header featuring the D.C. All-Star team at the Armory Sunday afternoon.
These ladies really kicked some butt. It was so awesome to see them out there working hard, having fun, and moving fast. I have never seen someone fall down on their skates and recover so quickly...like little Jack-In-The-Boxes! Okay, let me just say that the mascot was quite entertaining. He was rolling around the armory, doing the splits on skates and generally slinking around 70's skating rink style.
I need to find a semi-local...closer than DC...Roller derby league...oh, and remember how to skate! I want to do this. Really.
I love these guys! My little nephew was in the hospital last week and I went down to spend some time with the family. He is home and doing great, as you can see here.
I was going through a small box of treasures when I stumbled across this little number. A tiny little photo album of sorts. The pictures are of my Dad's Mom, Oouma. Oouma was a scientist, or that's what I always thought, maybe these pictures are where I got that idea?!
So much going on a la maison de mes parents lately. I'm trying to remain cool, calm, and collected (that is NOT my style).
I ran across this picture from Christmas of my Dad and his grandson Levi, and it reminded me...
No matter what, my parents will love and accept me. This goes for my sisters as well. No matter what we do my parents will still love us.
I could throw a kegger while they are out of town...
Skip school and get picked up by the principal's brother...
Stay out all night...
Call for a ride when the police show up at a party...
Burn a hole in the kitchen floor...
Sneak out at night...
Come home with my tongue pierced...
Total not one, not two, but three cars...
Call them at all hours needing something, anything...
Not grow up to be what I thought they wanted me to be...when all they ever wanted is for me to be me.
Cry to them...
Scream at them...
I can't think of a thing that I could do, or could have done to make them love me less.
Oh, they get/got mad, but usually that was because the dishwasher wasn't emptied, or the trash wasn't taken out, but the big stuff; calm, often stern, but rational, thoughtful and supportive.
I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." —Maya Angelou
You may have heard it, but I've never heard you say it...lets keep it that way. The people who use that word may be talented and skilled, but they are usually not successful. That is what I want for you, talent, skill, and success. It is possible!
M- The other day you told me you wanted to be a princess, a dancer and a Mommy. You can do all those things, and more. A princess is charming, kind, smiles often, charitable, and loves those around her; you have all of that nailed! A dancer practices her craft, lets the music and the moment inspire her while letting emotion lead the way. A Mommy loves, cares, fixes, and supports, you are well on your way to being a wonderful Mommy. Maybe one day you will want to write the next Jane Eyre, be on the big screen, or live in a hut; all you need to do is talk to people, find out what is required, and take your first step.
B- when you told me about your 'nanimals and how much you loved them my heart warmed. Maybe you want to do Jane Goodall style research, work at a shelter, or work on a farm. Maybe that compassion will meld into something different altogether; maybe you will be someone who looks out for the little guy, the downtrodden, poor, and uneducated. Maybe one day you will want to make a hole in one in the LPGA, or design sustainable architecture; like I said to your sister, talk to someone, do the leg work, and take your first step.
I know you girls are going to be the greatest big sisters to little L- too! What a lucky guy, to have both of you in his life!
In the end, what will matter is your drive to be great, wasted talent is no talent at all, so get out there and grab the world by the horns; if you don’t succeed, it won’t be because you didn’t try your best.
Post Surgery, sleeping soundly, feet wiggle wildly when they are tickled.
He is doing great.
Thanks again for all of the support you have all given not just me, but my sister and her husband through this time. If you helped me, you really helped them. Thank you for that.
Thank You all for your well wishes, kind words and support.
Baby L- is out of surgery and the surgeon said everything went very well. He will be asleep for about 3 days to recover as much as possible on his own and will be under observation for another week before they remove his feeding and drainage tubes. After that he will be moving right along, and learning to eat.
Please send all of the above. My 2 day old nephew Levi is having surgery to repair his esophogus and trachea, right now. 3 hours and counting.
Sending this out into the universe in hopes of good things to come.
As I walk, as I walk The universe is walking with me In beauty it walks before me In beauty it walks behind me In beauty it walks below me In beauty it walks above me Beauty is on every side As I walk, I walk with Beauty.
Anyone can do three years, right? Right? Well, those people have never been married to ME. Just M-. Sometimes I think he deserves a medal of honor. Now don't get me wrong I'm a nice gal... we all know that, but easy, I'm not. Sometimes I look at him in amazement at his level of calm compassion and loving.
To the world, Mike is a quiet, nice, hard working, and generous man. He is all of those things, and so much more. One of the things that first attracted me to him was how he was interested in such diverse activities hiking, traveling, fishing, going out, learning about stuff, history, music, science...you name it, he is interested. Except for musicals, never musicals.
That is balanced with enduring craft shows, fu-fu restaurants, being my right hand man on photo shoots, buying me milk as soon as we run out, letting me fall asleep on every car ride over 34 minutes, and letting me watch Mama Mia as many times as I want. (a musical...I know!)
M- loves me in a way that is simple, special and all mine. He doesn't do all those things that drive so many wives crazy...he comes home when he says he will, he doesn't go to happy hour every night and twice on fridays with his buddies. M- is there when I need him, most importantly he is there when I'm okay too. He is present and concientious. Mike is willing to do whatever it takes for us both to succeed together.
I'm pretty sure I drive him bonkers more times than none. My brain just doesn't work the way most people's do. Somehow he remains calm in the face of this. M- stepped into a whirling dervish when we began dating, he is the calm for this storm. There are many things we don't agree on, but he is able to acknowledge and validate my feelings without fear of emabrrasment or anger. He is the first to hold me when I am afraid, anxious or just nuts. He is the first to say 'you can' when I say, 'I can't'. He is the first to let me be myself, no matter what that means with out anger or guilt.
yes, she's a pain in my you know what...yes, she carries around any sock she can find...loves to dig in the trash...counter surf and yes, she needs puppy prozac....yes I love her to bits! Ms. Mocha Chocha Ya-Ya!
If you didn’t know by now, my husband and I don’t have any kids. We won’t be having any either. I’m not going to go too far into it, just a combination of biological, emotional, psychological reasons. Maybe I just wasn’t made to be a mom. I’m an awesome aunt, godmother, and Dog mom so I’m okay with my situation.
I am lucky enough to know a few of the best moms around: my younger sister is the lucky mom of two little girls and a son due in about two months, my best friend since 5th grade K- has 3 girls and my very close friend T- has a son and two daughters. I think these women are amazing, they work so hard to grow their families, and they each do it in a unique way.
K- is a SAHM who spends every minute with her girls, they are funny, well rounded and smart. My sister works full time but makes every minute outside of work special for her girls, they are as different as night and day, but both girls are outgoing, smart and fun. T-works full time as a child advocate and even after an excruciating day in the office, she is able to make her time with the kids special. Each of her children is silly, intelligent and attentive.
I think each of these moms knew from the time they were little girls that they would be mamas. I’m sure of it actually, and as different as each mom is, her idea of her perfect family differs just as much. I think my sister and K- are pretty well situated according to them, as they are, maybe a change in the future, but for mow, their families are complete. T- on the other hand is missing a piece of her family, a piece of her heart. T- always wanted kids, but she also knew that whether or not she had her own biological kids, she wanted to adopt.
T- and her husband are on their way to adopting a child, finding the missing piece of their family. They would like to adopt a young child from China or maybe Korea. A couple of months ago T- and her husband asked me if I would write a letter for them, to the adoption agency. After jokingly hemming and hawing I said, “OF COURSE!”
Soon after I wrote, edited and mailed a letter to Maryland, the home of the adoption agency. Surprisingly T- called me earlier this week and said the agency told her they never received my letter and the agency contact asked in an email “Does she know how to address an envelope?” Well, I can assure you I do! So I emailed her my letter. My email was returned undeliverable immediately. I had transposed two of the letters in the e-mail address…maybe I DON”T know how to address a real envelope! My mistake fixed I re-sent and received delivery confirmation. So that brings us to today.
I wanted to share a few portions of the letter so you can see what amazing parents T and S already are, and you can think good thoughts as they embark on this exciting, long journey.
Maybe my letter will help you if someone asks to write an adoption reference letter! There are so many things I wanted to point out, talk about, but I tried to make it concise.
--make it clear from the onset that I am RECOMMENDING they be approved,
--who was I recommending,
--what are they like together,
--what is their home/neighborhood/friends are like,
--how are they with their kids,
--what their kids think about a new br./sister,
-- and again make it clear I am RECOMMENDING they be approved as prospective adoptive parents.
Wish them luck!
I'm hoping by putting this out there lots of people will send good adoption vibes to the C's!
M- and I spent a little town by the river recently. A small paddle boat docks there. At night it goes out, a disco ball spins, a bad DJ croons, and many libations are served. During the day it looks quaint and lovely; at night it seems a little seedier. We have never been on it, but sometimes when fishing on our boat late at night it will pass us...usually something like this is playing.
Sunday I started my journey home from Greensboro and stopped for the night at my parents. No, I know the drive isn't that far, but it was Father's day and my youngest sister graduated a few days ago, so my mom had planned a waffles and mimosa brunch..it was great! Later that night I cooked a scrumptious meal of shrimp and cheesy grits...really cheesy!
My nieces M- and B- are a riot! After dinner and presents they fashioned the leftover tissue paper into pirate hats, swords, a princess dress and hat. Not to mention the tutus they got as birthday gifts, they were a sight!
B- making her best pirate face... The Graduate... M-'s fancy Princess get-up... Pretty Girl... Want to make some amazing Shrimp and cheesy grits of your own?
Shrimp: I used 21/25's enough for each person to have 12 shrimp each, plus 12 for the pot. (a lot, but I hate when you are eating shrimp and want that ONE more, but they are all gone, I didn't want anyone to feel 'shrimped' on the shrimp...shrimp leftovers are easy and great too...)
Grits: I used 5 minute grits, as my dad would, and did say "magic grits" (cousin Vinny and Joe Pesci references abound at my parents house)
Okay, everything else
-2 really large pots
-1 block of cream cheese
-1 block of extra sharp cheddar cheese grated
-1 block of sharp cheddar cheese grated
-1/2 package of bacon cooked crisp and crumbled, save 2T drippings
-1 bunch scallions chopped
-1 large package of mushrooms sliced
-6-8 large cloves of garlic, sliced, diced, crushed, however you like it
-small carton of half and half
-butter
-olive oil
-chicken stock
-dash of fresh ground pepper
---using the reserved drippings from the bacon and a touch of olive oil, cook the garlic over really low heat for about 30 minutes, gives it a really mellow flavor. Add the mushrooms and a knob of butter to the garlic and turn the heat up to about medium high, stirring regularly. You want the mushrooms to brown lightly and soften, but not get mushy.
---in another pot melt a knob of butter over medium-medium low heat, add about a cup of half and half, when this is all nice and warm add most of both cheddar cheeses, reserving some for garnishing later. Keeping the heat nice and medium-low so you don't burn the dairy, stir this constantly, add 7/8th's or so of the cream cheese to the melty, cheesy goodness. Remove this from the heat when it it all melted and set aside until you are ready to add the grits.
---about 7-10 minutes before you are ready to serve add the shrimp to the mushroom mixture with a cup of chicken stock and the remaining cream cheese and chopped scallions. Stir a great deal to coat everything evenly in the amazing sauce you have in the mushroom goodness. Cook until the shrimp are pink and firm, but be careful to not overcook, 5-7 minutes.
---around the same time return your cheesy mixture to the heat and slowly bring to a boil. When it is boiling add 3 cups of grits, a dash of fresh ground pepper, and chicken stock to level out the consistency. (I made WAY TOO MANY GRITS...if that is even possible...)
Serve shrimp and sauce over the grits, sprinkle with a touch of cheddar. Homemade Caesar salad and warm, hand-cut, crusty croutons accompanied this dish. Enjoy!
Oh, and I think my parents are still eating cheesy grits.
In no particular order... Madame Mocha Chocha Ya-Ya
Harper Harper Bo Barper, more commonly referred to as Mr. Friendly.
Xavy Baby
Just a regular day 'round here at Chez CD. My summer classes started last week so today after work, class and the gym (YES--THE GYM!) I have been hunkered down doing homework. Kinda glad I wasn't missing much outside today.The HEAT has been unreal for the past few days, then on top of it we got a big afternoon thunderstorm. The pups have been hunkered down in their favorite spots most of the day. Xav, on our bed wrapped in a blanket like a burrito, Harper, on his dog bed in our room and Mocha napping on top of my feet since I got home.
When I graduated high school
we had a great big party, a pile of friends, family and gifts.Among the gifts was a small book; Desiderata, a poem written by Max
Ehrmann.At the time, I didn’t know how
much these words would affect me, sometimes it still surprises me.The book was given to me by my Aunt
Edythe.
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
Aunt Edythe
breathed her last breath Sunday, Mother’s day, the 9th of May 2010.If anyone ever lived the words of Desiderata
it was Edythe.She loved her partner,
family and friends in an incomparable way; the way we all wish we could love
others.Edythe shared herself and loved everyone
around her in an almost magical way.
Now, don’t get the
idea that Edythe was some mythical figure who lived in a bubble, she had a hard
life, bad things happened to her, and her death came way too early.Maybe it’s true, only the good die
young.Or maybe, just maybe, when
someone as good as Edythe dies, it will ALWAYS feel like they were too young,
even if they are 100.At 53, she had
lived a full, interesting life, just not enough of it, she was just too young.
I remember camping
with K- and Edythe, stopping for lunch along the way, our feet on the dash of
her little truck singing Happy Together
“Me and you, you and me, no matter how they toss the dice, it had to be…”
I remember Easter
dinner eating mashed potatoes and turnips in the dining room before K- and E’s
big renovation…
I remember every
birthday card I got from her on my birthday, or the lack thereof.I’m 31 and I never got one from Edythe by the
date my birthday rolled around each year.Edythe’s cards always arrived well after the date.It became something to look forward to in the
upcoming weeks.I would see the familiar
handwriting on the corner of the envelope, the postmark and just smile…
I remember they
way her eyes sparkled with joy and interest in whatever I would ramble on
about.No matter how boring someone else
would have thought my story was, Edythe could see the fun in it, she could
always see the best side of everything…
I remember seeing
Edythe marry the love of her life, a love so kind, true, and transparent it
inspires me to love more often, more heartily and more freely…
I remember talking
to Edythe about the peace she had made here on earth with her fate, with the
disease that ravaged her body, changed her, and ultimately did not break
her.Edythe remained hopeful, cheerful,
funny and loving through her battle with cancer…
I will always have
these memories and many more, and for that, I am thankful.Having Edythe as an aunt and friend has been
a gift.
I must have done something great to get to have her in my life.
I'd also like to share a slideshow of K- and E's wedding, along with the poem I wrote them for the occasion.
You have taught me Joy,
to rejoice in the small things in life, and laugh, laugh,
laugh.
You have taught me Patience,
to accept the things I cannot change and change only the
really important things.
You have taught me Tolerance,
to recognize that everyone’s perspective is different and
deserves respect.
You have taught me Courage,
to fight for what I believe even when no one else will.
You have taught me Independence,
to think about and question the status quo.
You have taught me Love,
To celebrate it, share it and cherish every moment.
My husband’s mother called yesterday, her voice full of
tears, her sister, Aunt Deb had passed away.Deb has been battling what we recently found out was ALS for years now.I know Aunt Deb wasn’t always my Aunt; I only
got the privilege of calling her that after I met my husband.Deb and her daughter Em were the first members
of M-’s family I met outside his immediate family.At the end of the day we met, she insisted I call
her Aunt Deb too.Meeting her was like
seeing an old friend, she instantly put me at ease, made me laugh and laughed
at me.She helped make M-’s family feel
like I was really a part of it…even if I wasn’t, yet.
The summer M- and I were engaged we went to Minnesota for
his grandfathers wedding.We hadn’t told
anyone there we were engaged because we wanted to tell Grandpa S- before anyone
else.The day after we arrived we all
gathered for a family Bar-B-Que.Lots of
laughing, hugs and catching up happened over the afternoon.All of a sudden between the brats and brews,
Aunt Deb jumped up and began pointing and doing a little dance.She had noticed my engagement ring, she went
on and on, it was so cute, she was genuinely happy and excited for us.She then proceeded to embarrass me by leading
me around the yard to EVERY SINGLE PERSON THERE to show them my ring, and share our news.
I will always remember Deb, not just for who she was to me,
but for the woman she was to her whole family.She was a mother, daughter, sister, wife, aunt, godmother and friend.I am so sorry for the pain her children and
everyone who loved her must be feeling right now.
You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she's gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
"We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called 'Opportunity' and its first chapter is New Year’s Day." ~ Edith L. Pierce
The last day of December...time to think back on all the days of 2009. Good days, not so good days and awesome days, we had them all. Over all 2009 was a great year for us!
spent time with family and friends in the mountains, at the beach, in the hustle and bustle of the city and in a barn...
celebrated birthdays...
cheered at a horse race...
made things...
colored with my nieces...
played with our food...
high-fived each other on our 2 year wedding anniversary...
completed 2 full semesters and a summer semester...inching me toward my goal...
celebrated holidays and everyday with the people we love and who love us...
made new friends...
changed jobs...(yay)...
made art in many forms...
Thanks for all of the great times, and the support during the not so great times! Happy new year and best wishes in 2010!
M- picked me up from work, and we had a lunch date that ended differently than either of us ever imagined. On the way home, we decided to take the scenic route. We took a back road that, due to it's curves and hills is cleared quickly and completely as to avoid accidents. Some spots were spotty but for the most part clean and clear. The road, River road, winds along the Rappahannock river. We stopped at a small boat launch...think canoes and kayaks, to have some fun with the 4W drive. After hanging out there for a bit we headed home. Now, you must be thinking...somewhere along this winding road the ditch incident occurred....right? Nope.
We made it almost all the way home....like a eighth of a mile from the house. M- was getting verbally frustrated with the driver in front of us who was driving like 4 miles an hour, and so I said, " DON'T get all pissy and put us in a ditch!" I shouldn't have said a thing.
2 minutes later the truck slides into the water ditch next to the edge of the road. You know the one, the ditch that is still FULL of snow and you can't tell is even a ditch. The one that is so muddy beneath the snow, that all that happens is your wheels spin furiously no matter what you try. That one.
That big ole fancy 4W drive truck couldn't make it out. The right hand side wheels wouldn't even move. Some guy stopped and tried to help with a tow strap. He burnt the rubber off of his tires trying, but I think what really got us out was ME! I told M- to dig out a little more snow from around the right side, and did the whole forward-reverse-forward-reverse rock the truck thing, and lo and behold ( with a little help from the tow strap guy) we were upright and on the road again! Go me!
We are safe, the truck is fine and I think the only thing hurt was M-'s pride, for a second. Love you honey!
The scenic route..River Road
Some adorable animal tracks at the boat launch. Our frozen river. That's a LOT of snow. I wasn't even all the way to bare ground and it's up to my knees! Truck fun...not stuck here, just stopped for playing outside. Trying to use the self timer feature, while balancing the camera on the front of the truck, and then run the 25 feet back to M- in almost 3 feet deep snow! The ditch. Take a good look. M- digging us out of the ditch. Me- warm and taking pictures of the debacle.
My true love gave to me... seven inch snowdrifts, that are growing!
I totally missed the 6th day of Christmas...well I was present, but I was too excited about the snow that came down yesterday to post anything.....plus we were stuck in the car for about and hour and a half trying to drive what usually takes 9 minutes. I was beat, full of margarita and just wanted to cuddle up and sleep...so 6th day passes without Crafty's fanfare.
As I write this I think we actually have about 16 inches of snow. Now, I know you folks in MN, ND, Canada, NY, CT and MI (among others) are totally accustomed to this, but I assure you, Fredericksburg is not. We don't have the plows and manpower to help the roads, and the residents do not get this kind of snow often, so they are not smart snow drivers.
And you know it's totally official when CNN shows up in your town to report! Look here!
Our neighbors mailboxes have snowhawks! Too bad M- knocked ours off before I could get a picture.
Our Christmas cards go out tomorrow! Loving that wind-blown look, it's okay, it was a great day and that's really why I picked this picture. Plus, had to have the furbabies participate in the Christmas fun!
“Only an Aunt can give hugs like a mother, can keep secrets like a sister, and share love like a friend.”
~ Spanish Proverb
I spent the afternoon with my sister and her two little girls. They are smiley, funny, bouncy, adorable, smart, kind, outgoing and full of all that other good girl stuff, sugar, spice...you get the picture.
M- is independent, inquisitive and abounds with energy...at all times. Arms flailing, legs jumping, head bopping and booty shakin' is in her blood.
B- is reserved, smiley and cuddles like a koala. She's a real momma's girl, but is happy to snuggle, nuzzle and cuddle once she gets to know you.
M- counted all 9 legs of a octopus for me today... "one, two, three, four, five, seven, eight, nine!" apparently she has an aversion to the number six, as well as ponytails, after about 2 hours; as you can tell in her Cosmo Kramer hairdo by the end of the day.
We lunched, walked, laughed and narrowly avoided getting run over by the Holiday Train that was riding around the shopping center, by a mad man with the beard of Santa!
