"I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something.So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life.Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it.Make your mistakes, next year and forever."
Sending love, light, contentment, and new mistakes your way, today and every day! Happy New Year!
We spent last week at a beautiful home on the sandy shores of Cape Hatteras, NC.
Can I say that again?
We had such a wonderful time. Filled with great friends, good food, relaxing evenings, and pockets of seashells.
We were lucky to take one of our dogs with us. Xavy baby had an awesome week at the beach! Really, it is too bad we couldn't bring both dogs, but Mocha can be a little fearful of new folks, and is riddled with anxiety on a good day, so we asked the folks SHE LOVES the most if they would watch her while we were gone. My in-laws gladly said yes, and took great care of her!
Xav was made for the beach. Absolutely. Just 6 months shy of his 11th birthday, he scamped, bounced, and ran around the beach like an 8 month old pup!
Xav also made a little girlfriend while we were out there. Lexi.
The first day we were on the beach there were lots of folks, but none really close to us, Xavy is a good boy and he was off leash the whole time. He would run in and out of the surf, dig in the sand, stomped a few sandcastles, and the kids tried to bury him more than once. He's patient, but not that patient.
Mid-day Xav noticed a lovely puppy accross the beach playing with her owner. He kept looking at me, looking at the other dog, me, dog, me, dog. He looked at me once more and then started to dash off. A quick STOP! and he did, begrudgingly walking back to me, pouting.
They continued to stare at each other across the sand.
We went home and Xav settled in with the kids all snuggling with him on his dog bed at one point or another.
The next morning we headed out to the sand again, ran right for the surf and did some fishing along the shore. After about an hour the adorable pup showed up. Again, Xavy longingly looked across the beach. I finally gave in. I asked M- to keep Xav on our side while I went to meet the pups parents.
Me: HI. I was wondering if my dog can come meet your dog, I wanted to che... some people ar...
Dog Dad: YES! We were wondering the same thing!
Me: He is dying to come over here! (to XAV) Alright Good boy, come on!
Dog Dad: She is dying to get over THERE!
Me: Oh, My name is Jenn, nice to meet you. That's Xav.
Dog Dad: My name is Pete, nice to meet you, I think we are gonna need to keep an eye on these two! (deep belly laugh followed by pointing toward the dogs) She's Lexi.
Me: Oh Boy, I think you are right!
When I turned around the sniffing pleasantries had ended, and they were barreling at each other, full steam ahead, and rolling around in the surf and sand.
Each day we were out there Lexi and Xavy stared across the beach and froliced in the surf.
Ahhh. Puppy love.
Sometimes I feel like the 13 year old girl I was a hundred years ago.
Really, how am I different than that gal? Am I different? I'm still funny, bossy, articulate, determined, and sometimes a brat. But, what has changed?
I looked at myself in the mirror a couple of weeks ago and said to my self -out loud- You are a grown-up! You are a grown-up? Really? Am I really?
Sometimes I look at people, talk to customers, friends, classmates, and even strangers and think, man have they got it all put together; I can't wait until I'm all grown up too.
According to some, I am.
When I was a kid, it was obvious who the grown-ups were. The grown-ups got to do fun stuff all the time, go to the grocery store, buy new clothes, wash the car. Grown-ups got to sit at the BIG table at Christmas, no longer relegated to the baby table.
Grown-ups have jobs, they pay bills, they are always busy. Grown-ups got to stay up late and watch TV, dance, and bang around pots and pans( that's what I thought my parents did at night after we went to bed, turns out they were just doing the dishes), they got to pick what was for dinner every night. Sometimes they would be pre-occupied with something "you don't need to worry about it". Lots of days they are grumpy, tired, and want things done the way they like it.
Grown-ups, fall in love and get married. Grown-ups can eat cake for breakfast, drive cars, and are made of money.
Well, here is the confusing part. I do those things (well, except for the made of money bit), but nothing feels different.
How did that happen? Why do I still feel like I am playing house, still feel like I am working for more, longing for more "adult" responsibilities?
Sometimes I am paralyzed by the thought of becoming more. I know there is room for improvement, but somehow I am held back by what I used to know, who I used to be. I think I probably waste a lot of time being upset because I haven't DONE more.
I am convinced at times that my artwork isn't up to snuff, that I will not be able to help anyone as an art therapist in the future, that I am too old to be doing any of this; I continually think about how far behind I feel when I look at other thirty-somethings.
My dad and I have talked about this at length, and he always seems to be able to talk me off the ledge, but lately I am so wrapped up in this! I am frustrating myself.
Right about now I am putting on my big girl pants, and am going to do something about this!
Here's to :
Less wasted time
More doing, less planning.
More time and attention for me, less for folks who will just do what they do...no matter what I do.
So, what's up you say?
ME: Who is your best friend at school?
PRINCESS CINDERELLA MERMAID JEWELRY (that's what she calls herself): kaylee is my best friend.
ME: Oh that's great, it's so nice to have friends isn't it?
PRINCESS CINDERELLA MERMAID JEWELRY: yeah, but really Aunt Fer-Fer, they are ALL my best friends...
Gotta love the heart on that little lady, she loves everyone, everyone. It is so refreshing, kind, and simple.
If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
I am thankful for my family.
I am thankful to have two wonderful parents that provided me with a wonderful home growing up, and one I can still go to as an adult. The guidance they gave me, and continue to give, has helped me become the strong, independent woman I am today. They have taught me to love, live, and be the best me possible.
I am thankful for my in-laws. M-‘s family couldn’t be a better gang to marry into! Funny, sincere, loving and supportive, they have helped me more than they will ever know, and I am happy to call them family.
I am thankful for my sisters, the super-mom, the “Keep Calm and Carry On”, and the Wolf-Bronte-kahlo-still-figuring it out. They all drive me crazy and help keep me sane at the same time. Each day they amuse, astonish, annoy, and I admire each of them.
I am thankful for my nieces, nephew, and a tiny one on the way. The lessons they teach me abound. When I am with them I am free, funny, silly, creative in ways I never knew existed, and able to see the forest for the trees.
I am thankful for my extended family. A grandmother that loves and gives of herself so freely to me, encourages, spoils and cheers me on. Great-Aunts, aunts, uncles, and cousins that share the love only a family like ours can share. No matter how many months/years go by between visits, I’m still surrounded by love whenever they are around.
I am thankful for those people who aren’t family by blood, but by choice, by the love we share, the experiences that bring us together, and keep us a unit, no matter what.
I am thankful for my friends.
Both old and new, without these people in my life… well my life would be boring, that’s for sure. I am thankful for the listening, sharing, venting, space, and laughs. I am thankful to have such a wonderful FAMILY of friends.
I have realized everyone I meet isn’t looking for the same kind of friendship I am. I’m learning to accept that, be thankful for the time spent and the kind of friendships we do have. Good friends are very hard to come by and I’ve learned that this is OK.
I am thankful for my hands.
I am thankful my hands are skilled. I work tirelessly at taking advantage of what I have. They may not be the prettiest, MOST skilled, or perfect in any way shape or form, but they are mine. With my hands I can do anything, paint, climb, lift, draw, hug, caress, pull, push, reach high, make, create, and even destroy. I am thankful for these hands and the doors they will open in my future.
I am thankful for each new day.
Not too long ago a new day was a daunting task that I would have to overcome, or so I thought. Yes, the sun shone, birds sang, and grass grew, but all I saw was grey. I am thankful for a team of more than competent doctors, the magic of medicine and the belief that things can get better.
I am thankful I am no longer ashamed of who I am, of what I have become, of who I am striving to be…ME. I am thankful every morning I wake up.
I am thankful to have plenty.
I am lucky to have plenty to eat, plenty to keep warm, and plenty to share. Every time I am able to give something to someone else I am thankful I could.
I am lucky to have a home with a roof and no leaks, heat that keeps me warm, electricity, hot water, and a well taken care of car.
Sometimes I am so wrapped up in my easy life that I forget these aren’t things everyone has. Not everyone goes to bed satiated. Not everyone can afford that gallon of gas, gallon of milk or the heating fuel bill.
I am thankful that I have finally come to realize what is really important in my life, and am able to give so much more freely because of it.
--EIGHT-- thru --ELEVEN-- coming tomorrow
What does that even mean to me? What do I want it to mean to me? How can I make change? Can I make change. ? Can one person make a difference?
These are the things I've been thinking about. Now, I'm not talking change the world stuff, I'm thinking more along the lines of making a difference in someone's day, adding to my community in a creative way, or simply surprising and delighting someone.
Maybe those things do change the world.
School has been overwhelming, challenging, and ahhh-mazing at the same time. My volunteer work is going well and I still love the agency. Yet, something is missing. I don't feel like I am well, making change.
I am going to work on this a bit and see how I can make change.
How do you make change. in your own little way?
This is card number 24 of my inspirational quote cards for my goal of leave 100 art cards that inspire, from my Stupendous Life List.
Remember** You are welcome to download and print out to leave for a stranger, friend, or anyone else you can think of.**
:: healing past pains with the help of skilled professionals.
:: wondering how I made it this long without putting my hands in clay.
:: hearing my oldest puppy snore right next to me as he naps.
:: feeling grateful for the visiting cuban artist teaching my summer session right now.
:: holding my head high while I try new things and meet new people.
:: making a decision to try something new every day for a week.
:: remembering how far I have come!
:: marveling at the wealth of knowledge, time, and kindness shared with me recently.
:: smelling fresh laundry.
:: finishing comparing myself, my work, and my attitude with others.
:: hoping I can make a small difference every day.
:: preparing to be delighted and challenged at the same time.
:: relishing the love that surrounds me.
I have been feeling a little stuck. I'm unsticking gosh darn it! To help I'm using a formula style post...Saw versions of it 'round the internetz and thought it might help me unstick.
I am also...
:: healing from my minor and I stress minor surgery and feeling well, with the help of wonderful people that surround me.
:: wondering exactly what my husband thinks of and how he handle my antics sometimes.
:: hearing January Wedding by the Avett Brothers on my iPod.
:: feeling grateful for all that I have, my family, my friends, my heart, and my hands.
:: holding onto the feeling of a hug from my husband while he is away all day.
:: making a decision to keep making good decisions. (that’s one right there!)
:: remembering I should have mailed a gift or two, but it will be so much better to give them in person!
:: marveling at the comfort my two pups find with each other since Harper left us.
:: smelling coconut and lime all around me.
:: finishing the organization of a project I’ve had on the brain for a while! (yay)
:: hoping I can stay true to myself as I wander the path ahead.
:: preparing a menu for the next two weeks, full of easy, healthy and always delicious meals.
:: relishing the place I stand right now.